To Boldly Go...

...where no Tessie has gone before.
We took Tessie to see Star Trek: The Tour down in Long Beach a couple of weekends ago.

Star Trek: The Tour is an exhibit featuring memorabilia from all of the Star Trek TV series and movies. (That's five live-action TV series and ten motion pictures; Star Trek: The Animated Series didn't seem to be represented, nor were any of the Star Trek video games.)

This show is very similar to the Star Trek: The Experience show at the Las Vegas Hilton, which Hannah and I visited back in 2000, only ST:TT seems to cover a much larger floor area than ST:TE, and it isn't a scripted, linear experience. In Las Vegas, ST:TE was essentially a performance by costumed actors on a replica of the Enterprise-D bridge and all the displays of memorabilia were meant to keep you occupied in the long, winding line to the stage; here, in Long Beach, the memorabilia displays are the attraction, and guests are welcome to roam around the floor at will.

Since the show is held in the Queen Mary Dome, there's lots of floor to roam. (For those of you wondering what a Queen Mary Dome is, no, it's not part of the permanently moored retired passenger liner. It is the gigantic dome next to the ship, in which was once displayed the Spruce Goose. That legendary airplane has been packed off to Oregon, leaving behind a giant, largely empty dome as an exhibit space (a small portion of the dome is used as a cruise ship terminal). Anyway, there's lots of space to fill with lots of artifacts - 50,000 square feet of space.

Tessie was probably pretty confused by the whole thing, but she remained her typical tolerant uncomplaining self as Hannah and I went from exhibit case to exhibit case viewing all manner of phasers and disruptors and bars of gold-pressed latinum, as well as costumes worn by major cast members and alien prosthetic make-up. She got a little more interested in the ship models, and she really liked running down the corridor, a recreation of a section of the Enterprise-D from which could be viewed Captain Picard's lounge, Dr. Crusher's Sickbay, and the transporter room. The display cases show that resin-cast props like phasers or Geordi's VISOR don't look anywhere near as high-tech as they do on TV. There's also a "History of the Future" timeline along one long wall that shows the chronology of the events of the Star Trek universe, beginning with the Apollo 11 moon landing in 1969. No mention is made of CBS cancelling the original series after only three seasons, also in 1969.

We waited in two short lines for the opportunities to be photographed on two bridges: The Original Series' Enterprise and The Next Generation's Enterprise-D. Tessie has now sat in both Captain Kirk's and Captain Picard's seats, but she wasn't able to pull off either Kirk's intense, emotive dynamism or Picard's reflective, thoughtful brooding long enough to be captured on film (er, bytes?). In fact, she wasn't able to sit still long enough to compel us to buy the pictures at all. Perhaps we'll visit at the last stop - wherever it may be - of the five-year tour and try again.

Details abound. All those data display screens all over the ship? Laden with in-jokes, like the panels in the mock-up of Main Engineering that referred to "Overthrusters" and "Infinite Improbability Drive," references to Buckaroo Banzai and The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, respectively. There's a section drawing of the Enterprise-D along the corridor, and shown in the main shuttle bay, parked behind the familiar Starfleet shuttlecraft, is an even more familiar Volkswagen Beetle. There's also a giant rat roaming the corridors, and lots of other details far to small to show up on TV.

[*** SPOILER WARNING ***]
(O.K., I admit a spoiler warning may be excessive, but some folks sure do take this stuff seriously.)

I took a spin in one of the simulator rides - Lt. Cmdr. Worf and I disabled a Borg hive by uploading an infected data node into its central core (or something like that) - it's amusing to think that data corruption may be the weapon of the future.

That theme was also used in the last part of the show we visited, the Encounter Theater, in which Wesley Crusher and Tuvok defeated the Borg, again through the use of bad data packets. (Those guys need a better firewall.) Tessie gave me a fright when, after I checked with the attendant to ask if the show would be suitable for her, she started fussing and crying anyway. The show has a multi-part video display, fog/smoke generators, a moving floor, and bright flashing lights, so I was expecting a full meltdown once it got going. Nope; wrong again. Once things started getting dicey for the ol' Enterprise-D, Tessie calmed right down and paid atttention, and soon enough we were all out of danger.
[*** END SPOILERS ***]

Here we are, about to leap through "The Guardian of Forever" from the City on the Edge of Forever [TOS].

Despite claims on the website, anyone expecting Klingon bloodwine or pipius claw will be disappointed. I was looking forward to some raktajino and hasperat, but all the dining service had was thematically renamed pizza, burgers and hot dogs. A marketing opportunity missed, as was the gift shop. I was all keen to buy Tessie a tribble, but "there be no tribble at all" for sale.

Another opportunity missed: Our visit coincided with a Scottish Festival, complete with competing pipe bands. Did anyone dress like Mr. Scott? Not a one!